Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Ending a thought process

How do you end a thought process that has led you to believe in something at apparently does not exist? There is no easy way. Today, we came to blows. I was informed that my views are mistaken and things will never be the way I want them to be. So be it.

Things have come to light that I have been concerned about over the past year. Several times I have approached a decision that left me heartbroken, so much so, that I refused to believe that the situation could be any different. It definitely is different. Apparently, I was not being given key information in an effort to 'protect me' from hurt. I feel that had I known this information early on, my feelings would not have grown to this point. Instead, I was lead to believe that the situation was different. It was not done intentionally to harm me, but it has. Erroneously, it was assumed that I would be hurt by knowing that other things were going on. I don't lay all blame on my not being informed. I asked the status of our relationship on three occasions, once the answer was wishy washy, the other times things which happened after led me to believe that the answer that was given was to cover being scared or some other thing. This was a mistake on my part. I freely admit that.

The statement that was made that really hurt me today, was "Everyone has been instructed to stop being kind to you and tell you any truth you ask of them about me." This is the knife that has ended my delusion and possibly a long friendship. I constantly hear this person say they never lie. They once told me they would never tell me lies about things going on in their life. Well, that obviously isn't quite the truth. While omitting the information may have seemingly spared the pain at the moment, it has led to our relationship become much more strained than any individual disclosure would have caused.

They say it takes two to tango. I admit my fault in this as much as anyone Else's. Time will tell whether we remain casual friends or not. Until today, I would have answered that I would remain friends, now... I need to think.

No comments: