You can touch the dust, Just don't write in it.

This is part of one of the gag gifts my mom got for Christmas. Mom has this 'thing' about dusting pictures. She had to do it all the time as a little girl. Naturally, we didnt have a lot of pictures sitting around when I was a kid. One or two sure, but not the hordes of knick knacks and such many people have. So for Christmas my Aunt gives my mom and her sister framed copies of pictures when they were kids. This caption was indentically framed in the box with mom's pictures.

This brings me to my current point for this post. What silly traditions does your family have at Christmas time?

Sure, we all get together and things like that, but I'm talking the strange things. For Example: In our family, there are several running gags. There is a pair of pea green socks roaming around that don't show up every year. Just about the time you think they're lost, *poof*, they magically appear in your gifts. There's a funny looking hat floating around too. Another strange thing that you have to watch for if you celebrate a holiday with us: A package that's not what it looks like. This comes in two variants: Size matters not and Open before professing your liking.

Size matters not is obvious. The size and shape of the box don't necessarily correspond to the size of gift inside. The best example of this is the year my grandmother got a great big box of nothing. It was a 19 inch tv box that in the end turned out to be a ring box with a note "Just what you wanted for Christmas, a great big box of nothing". Grandma was not amused.

Open before professing your liking. This one is a bit less devious. It stems from reusing boxes from gifts received to pack gifts to be given. This only becomes humorous when you realize that we actually had a family friend send a 'thank you' note for the coffee maker. Problem was that even though the box (in really good condition) was from a coffee maker, the gift was a stained glass lamp. What made this even more humorous was finding out later that the bride returned the coffee pot to Sears as that was the only place she could find selling that brand. Before she left the store, she got paged ove the intercom to come back to the check out stand. The clerk told her she may want to look at the gift before returning it. It's funny for all of us now, but she was rather embarrassed at first.

So what kind of silly stunts do you and your families do to each other at Christmas?

The End of the Year Approaches

A reflection of memory.

Looking into this Holiday week, I see a reflection of the year gone by. Like looking into a finely polished mirror, It reflects the good and the bad equally showing only the surface and lacking the true depth in its clarity. How, sometimes I wish my own memory worked that way, remembering only the glancing images passing by.

It has been an interesting year. A year which I'm not sure is worth remembering, yet a year that has made progress from the years before. Does that make sense?

Work has been about the same all year. I got to travel some, looks like I'll be travelling a bunch more soon. In general, my personal life has basically been on a hum drum even keel. Finances still suck, but I've been able to maintain. Can't say I'm making a lot of headway, but I guess my ship isn't sinking as fast now. I can't say that I recall any grand great things happening this past year for me. Relationships are still at a standstill. My friends that I call true friends are still true. The wishy washy ones, well, still are. I'd like to say I've have developed that special relationship I've been looking for.To be honest, I've spent so much time alone, I don't know if I even would recognize her standing in front of me. So if you've walked by expecting more than I've given, slap me upside the head so I'll snap out of my stupor. Thank you.

Mom battled cancer and won. Interesting how the worst thing to touch your life becomes the best thing when the doctors say the disease is gone.

Looking to the coming year, what do I see? More of the same, I guess. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

*taps on the monitor glass*

I wonder sometimes, which side of this thing am I really on?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

The results came back negative!!

My mother has been taking chemotherapy for very aggressive breast cancer since Spring. She had a full pet scan last Thursday to verify if there was any indication of cancer left in her system. She went in for her scheduled chemo treatment today and was informed that she doesn't have to have chemo anymore!

She will go every three weeks to have her Herceptin shot, but that doesn't have the nasty side-affects of the chemo. She will still continue to have tests to verify that Herceptin is doing its job and not causing any heart irregularities. Tests, we can live with. The chemotherapy is very disruptive to the person taking it. Over time as it accumulates in the body, chemo also builds up its side affects. Mom was starting to have trouble with the smells of food cooking bothering her. She never did lose all her hair.

This is a great Christmas gift. I don't get very emotional around her because she has enough to deal with. I wait until I'm here at home by myself it has me down. This is one bit of news that we've received about her cancer that is GREAT!

Thoughts on December

December, the month of joy and sorrow, the month of cheer and pain.

I look around these last couple of days and think to myself about the different ways people view the upcoming holidays. As the lights and decorations begin to illuminate the houses, they bring a warm feeling, a sparkle if you will, to my heart. I have been fortunate to spend the Christmas holidays with my family.

We have been known to have 2 or even 3 Christmas get togethers so that everyone can be together. Growing up, Christmas day was busy. We rotated who would host Christmas between my 2 Aunts houses (Mom's side), my Grandparents (Mom's side), and our house. It was a tradition that we opened gifts Christmas morning, ate lunch, then Mom, Dad and I piled in the car and went to visit Dad's side of the family for the afternoon. It didn't matter what the weather or how we felt, off we would go. We would have dinner there and exchange a few gifts. The only year I can not recall going to both Granparents houses on Christmas day was the year we went to Florida for Christmas.

As I grew older, things changed. Grandparents passed away. Family schedules split up the traditional gatherings. The kids grew to adults and moved away. Time became the director of our lives instead of tradition. Happy times became necessity in order to get to see loved ones over the holidays. Sad thoughts of missed loved ones gone from our lives sometimes filled the holes left by traditional events lost to time.

I look back and understand now that I had it pretty decent growing up. I think of friends whose family's divorced, people I know who lost loved ones around the Holidays. I understand their sadness brought to the front by the twinkling of the lights and the sounds of good cheer. You see, my family too is not imune to lose loved ones over the Holidays. People/relatives of mine always seem to die at one of two times; when we are away on a family vacation or around deer hunting season. My Uncle Gene actually died over his deer in the woods during hunting season.

Do I dread the Holidays because of my losses? No. Time has healed some of those wounds. I turn to fond memories to help ease the hurts that still exist. I wish I could share that ability with others. I see so many people who have it so rough emotionally at this time of year and wonder what hurts could run that deep to turn them so bitter.

So remember, when you feel down during the holidays, when you feel like the world is caving in on you, remember the good times, the good people that touched your life. Let the light of the happy times burn away the darkness and sadness of their loss, for as long as you remember the good times you shared, lost loved ones are never far away!

-Happy Holidays!!!

The Holiday Season Arrives

Hard to believe its mid November? Isn't it?

In the last post, I ponder how time flies. It certainly does. Seems like only yesterday that we were dealing with Christmas and New Years. Fortunately, It looks like our travel session has been put off until mid January. That has made many of our travellers much happier. I guess I am happier too. It will make the work harder on site, but it gives us much more time to prepare for the onslaught.

I did something this year that I have never done before. I took vacation between Christmas and New Years. One of the benefits of my job is vacation that is based on percentages of the hours you work. I was able to take vacation in September and still have plenty of time off. I actually still have 5 or 6 days even counting what I plan on using over the holidays. Never had that kind of luxary in a job before. The extra days carry over to next year as well.. so I'm not under the gun to use them.

We did something else different this year. Mom and Dad's neighbors all decided that we would go out to eat on Halloween night instead of being bombarded by the onslaught of trick or treaters. No one has anything against the holiday or anything like that. It has become overblown. Instead of the local neighborhood kids from town, we get vans of kids from nearby Ohio and other local communities. I remember one Halloween where we counted over 400 tricker treaters.. and we live in a little town. Dinner was good and we had a good time chatting and talking about other things we could do as neighbors and friends. Dinner was much better than handing out treats to 18 year old "Kids" that don't even put on makeup or dress as something different.

The holidays bring both good and bad emotions. We have lots of laughs when we get together. There are usually tears when someone gets that 'special' gift or gets 'pranked'. There's a pea soup green hat and socks roaming around the family that shows up every few years... bleh! We miss the ones who are no longer with us. We look forward to seeing those who live out of town.

Happy Thanksgiving and don't eat too much!

Curtis

Time Flies!

They say time flies when you're having fun...

Well I can't vouch for the fun part, but as I grow older, I notice time seems to pass more quickly. I can't say its always fun, but I'm still breathing so that has to count for something.

Here it is November already. It has been almost a year since mom's cancer was found. She got good news yesterday at the doctor. If her scan for December comes back as like the last one, they will take her off chemo. She will stay on Herceptin for some time to come. All in all, that was excellent news.

I am currently ramping up my brain to withstand another round of travel with the company I work for. We are rolling out a new drive scheme to all our field investigator, all 3800+ of them. Looks like I may get to see San Antonio, St. Louis, San Francisco and San Diego, as well as the familiar towns of Detroit and Dayton, Ohio. I enjoy travelling and hope to be able to catch a little bit of time in each location. There is a trip to Hawaii at the end to setup the project. They are going to award that one on merit of completing the initial phases. Their are favorite individuals in the group who will probably win out on the Hawaii deal, but thats ok. I'll have been able to get out of the area for a little bit anyway.

Things haven't been too bad overall since my last post. Hopefully that trend continues.

Long Time No Blog!

Woops! I had a bunch of stuff to post and never did. Now I hope I can remember what it was.

Well, let me think .o O ( thinks and thinks some more )

The website for the class reunion went up and was well received. The first week I received a large number of submissions and comments on it. I was even contacted by a representative of the WMHS class of 1980 about possibly using the format for their reunion. I still get a few things here and there and will continue to post them as they arrive.

Work has been going pretty well of late. We have started a new project and I have been put on the team as Connectivity Coordinator. I have been handling our communications between our users and the network folks since I went out on an installation for several of our offices. In all, it won't be the most difficult aspect of the project, but it will require getting information together from departments that usually don't like to share information. There will be some traveling involved, which I really enjoy, so I'm looking forward to that.

Racing season has ended. I still haven't managed to get back to the track to make sure everything is put away. Everytime I think about stopping on the way home from work, it is raining. The forecast looks like rain for the rest of the week, so I doubt I'll get there this weekend. Thats ok, though. Technically, my resignation took affect after the last race. The owner has never called me to ask why or anything. She told me she would discuss it with me after the races but she left early both nights. Well, maybe not early, seeing as we ran very late both nights. I will miss working at the races this coming summer, but my back won't. I discovered late in the season this year that working at the track was keeping my back irrated. I've been having enough trouble with it lately, so I decided I can do without racing next season.

Anyway, Things are pretty decent at the moment. I've been learning how to use Photoshop so that I can make more fancy stuff for the sites. I'm finding it to be a fairly easy program to get good results with. The trick is learning all the little tricks. I have found some interesting tutorial sites to lend me a hand. Maybe someday you will see a site I created make the big time (HA HA HA HA HA). I'll believe that when I cash the big $$$ check.

Until next time, remember, "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side and binds the universe together."

Reunions, decisions and life's irony

A challenging decision. A rewarding weekend. An oppurtunity missed for a reason in the end.

Well, it has been a most interesting week or so. I had to make a choice between going to my 20th class reunion or working at the racetrack for "The Lil Guy Nationals" two day event. The race had been scheduled since early in the spring and I had just found out about the reunion within the last month. I decided that I had already made the commitment to the racetrack so I would work the races.
.

Everything transpired Friday Sept 30th and Saturday Oct 1st. It turned out to be a wise choice to work the track. We had to take a driver to the hospital via air ambulance on Friday night after he slammed into a pole at the corner of the fence at full throttle. I ended up overseeing extrication and removal of the driver to the helicopter. Friday and Saturday nights were both long nights, with record car counts each day.


At the same time, I also decided that I had some extra webspace and since I really didn't have a plan for it, I would create a class/reunion website (see the link above). I began laying out a simple, yet decent looking site. I caught up with Susan who heads up the committee for the reunion and let her know that if they wanted, I would post messages, biographies, photos and other information on the site. I think she thought I was joking, until she looked at the site. I have spent much of this week putting the pictures and informaton up on the website in the evenings after work. I have received many compliments on it from the classmates. The most interesting compliment, so far, has been a request by the West Middlesex Class of 1980 to use my site layouts for their reunion. That in itself says something to me, but what is more interesting, is that the person who is handling the site for the class of 80 is the Campus Web Architect for UMBC, Baltimore Maryland.

I'm still deciding about letting them use the layout, but I probably will. I have been told I will be given credit on the site. I have asked my classmates if they have any objections to doing so as well.

So, I guess this just goes to prove that life ironically will play out as it needs to, not just how you want it to.

Why is it that I'm always alone?

Do I want to be a loner? I don't think I do. Maybe I'm the only one right for me?

Does anybody else ever get those times when you just feel like you're alone in the world? You can be in a crowded room with people you know, and feel like nobody notices you. Tonight is one of those nights for me.

I have friends, I guess. I'm not into the bar scene or spending loads of money on concerts or drugs. When I go places with my friends, I feel that, alot of the time, I'm a third wheel. I feel like they brought me along just so I wouldn't be setting at home, yet I'm not part of the event either. The only time I feel like part of the group is when they have me come along because they need me to get something done for them.

I guess the main thing is that I don't seem to have that special relationship that is supposed to be part of growing up, part of the American Dream. Don't get me wrong, I know my life is not nearly as bad as others. It's just that everytime I think my life is turning a corner and things are starting to work out, something else comes to a screeching halt. The worst part is, most of the time, I see it coming and just don't do anything to avoid it.

I set goals for myself in highschool that I would not get involved in serious relationships until I was financially settled. I did this at the time because I had so many friends that were getting in over their heads. Most of the problems seemed to be that they were not ready financially, and mentally, for the roads they took. I saw this and decided I would wait until I knew everything was stable. Big Mistake! What was a simple goal to make my life better, has now become an anchor around my neck. Things never worked out. Finances never got stable. Months turned to years until it seems I've forgotten what it was I've been looking for.

I have people ask me why I'm 38 and not married. Sometimes, I wonder that myself. I'm not sure I even know how to have a relationship, successful or otherwise. I'm not even sure I can feel anything at all. Nights like tonight make me feel dull and cold inside, like an empty house that has long been vacant and not cared for. Am I broken, like an old rusty car that has been driven out into the field and left to rot, or have my choices in life driven me to be destined to be alone.

I feel so uncomfortable when I go out with friends (couples). They have things that I don't feel I'll ever have. I'm not referring to sex either. There is more to it than that. There is a bond, a caring and attachment that comes along with a stable relationship. A companionship that just isn't the same between peers. Someone to help you through rough times, someone to help, someone to share special moments with. Have I misunderstood what these kinds of relationships are to be? Am I expecting too much?

People keep telling me I should do this or have that. They ask me why I don't go out. I don't realy know why. I just don't. I don't enjoy going places by myself, especially when the few places to go are bars or clubs. Oh, well. Its getting late and I've rambled enough. I might as well go to bed since thats about the only thing interesting left to do.

-Goodnight

Is it a job, a career or just plain work?

Knowing when you have a job, a career or work is a key to making life enjoyable.

Yes, I know, I haven't posted in a while. Its been hectic to say the least. I've been dealing with things in my life that sometimes are hard to define. Stress of work, Mom being sick, my back not recovering the way I would like and financial issues all seem to have a way of coming at you at the same time. I thought I would take a second to ponder the title question.

What is the difference between a job, a career and just plain ole work?

A job by definition is the act of working to complete a task. In the reality we call life, a job is what you go to everyday to earn money to pay your bills. A job is what you make of it, good, bad or ugly.

Work by definition is the act of completing a given task, a chore. Once again reality steps in and shows us work is the place you go everyday to make money, hopefully enough to pay your bills. Work in this sense usually is a negative thing. A chore discribes work well in this instance. It is stressful and in many cases its tough just to get through the week.

A career is that state of having a job that you want to be at for a long time. Usually, a career will be something you enjoy. You can judge success by looking at someones career. A person who has found their career will usually be happy and enjoying going to their place of business.

Where do I find myself currently? At work. When I started at my present job, it was fun and I actually enjoyed the tasks and people I was envolved with. This could possibly be the road to a career. Recently, the tasks have become less enjoyable due to the struggle that has been created by changes in our department. Now, it is simply work. It takes effort to get up in the morning and come in. It takes even more effort to make it through the day without blowing a gasket.

Change is to be for the good, but this change has been a harbinger of stress and toil. I can only hope it will become the grand thing everyone hoped it would be when they started making the change.

What will become of me here? I fear, that probably sooner than later, I will step up my search for new employment. I had hoped that this would the place where I could accumulate some training and knowledge that would benefit me later. As it stands, its the same daily grind. Oppurtunity that looked promising has become clouded and grey.

End of rant... for now. (HA HA)

Wow! What a long week, for having a holiday.

Long Holiday weekends tend to make short work weeks. Right?

Well, as you can see, I haven't posted for several days. I believe in an earlier post I mentioned meeting myself coming and going. I think that actually happened this weekend.

Saturday was a quiet day relaxing, saving up my energy and resting my back, for the next couple days were to be a trial.

Sunday, in the afternoon, we set up a booth at a local 1 day festival called Buhl Day. We sell meatball sandwiches, nachos, and apple dumplings, as well as cold drinks. For several years, noone wanted to do this event because it was thought to be expensive and labor intensive. The labor intensive part is right! The apple dumplings go over very very well as do the sandwiches, so the expense is worth it. Actually, this year, EVERYTHING, except for maybe the containers and plastic untensils was donated, so there was only minor expenses. We setup Sunday night to pass electrical and fire inspection. Then bright and early, Monday morning (Labor Day), we meet at the church and load up everything and take it to the booth at the park.

This year, I finally got them convinced to use the enclosed trailer. I've wanted to do that since we started but it always got shot down. We loaded our 1300 apple dumplings, food prep supplies, cups and other goodies into the trailer and sauntered off. Yes! I said 1300 apple dumplings and we sold every one of them!! Sold all the meatballs sandwiches too!

I usually stay and help with the booth, but this year the race track scheduled a make up race on Labor Day. As head of security, It is hard to get out of working at the track, especially when it is a high profile race. I left the booth around 10:30 am and headed home to get ready for racing. To make a long story short, I returned home at about 1:20 am, after a looong day. I then proceed to get up for my regular job at 6 am. Can you say short night!

It was a fun weekend. I understand we cleared over $4000 on the booth, so it was well worth it.

Now, as I sit here, preparing to drag myself into Friday, I check to see if someone took hours out of a couple of days on the weekend and stuffed them into yesterday and today at work.

I think I passed myself along the way this week

Ever feel like you're never going to catch up?

What a month so far! To Michigan on vacation then back to work one day then off to the DC area for work. I don't know whether I got content being out of the office or whether its just all catching up to me. Today I feel like crap. Went into work later because we were supposed to have a conference call at 4. ( I normally leave at 3:30). Found out they postponed the meeting until tomorrow. D'oh!

Just about the time I was leaving, the manager caught up to me and asked if I would take a look at one of the Execs computers. Ended up setting up email settings on 3 different computers. Ended up working over 45 minutes.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job and most of the people I work with, but sometimes everything gets piled on and you wonder if you ever will get out from under it.

I did manage to take a bit of time the last couple nights to work on my own computers and update my website photo pages abit. Put my pictures from DC and Michigan up. Now if I can get a couple nights to finish I should be good. The funny thing about websites.. good ones are never finished. I learned that the hard way. HAHA.

Take a bath!!!

Is anyone else sensitive to perfumes and colognes?

Today, for the first time in over probably a month and a half, I decided to go to church. I've been out of town so much the last few months and with my back not cooperating, I haven't been going. I know, I know, baaaaaad me!.

Back to the rant... errr.. what I was saying. I get ready, hop in the the truck and off I go. I arrive at the church, early, no less. I hop out of the truck and walk across the parking lot. As I walk up onto the front walk, BOOM!, I get hit in the face by the smell (AND TASTE) of perfume. Not just a light wiff through the air, mind you, but enough to take my breath away. Immediately, the thought raced through my head

. o O ( If its this bad out here, what is it going to be like IN THERE ????)

I know its not proper to put yourself above God, but in this case, I couldn't see myself getting much out of the service with my eyes burning and my nose draining. I seem to remember that God thought it important to breath. He stirred the breath into that ball of dust and clay that became Adam. I think that's the reason we do it so automatically. Well there is that little quirk that if you stop for too long, you die. (I don't know why people make such a big deal about that). (Sarcasm)

I turned around and hopped back in the truck and left.

I know that utility bills can be expensive, but I've seen the price of some of these "stink 'ems". One could easily take a shower with some good ole fashioned soap many many times for what one little bottle of some of this stuff costs. And at the way the person today was using it, they must have a 55 gallon drum of it at home.

So folks, if you think you smell perdy with that junk on.. think again. Take a bath, a shower, spray yourself off with a hose, take a dip in a pond or lake, play in a mud puddle... please do not assult my senses by dumping that "stink 'em" all over you. When you're sensitive to it.. a little can go a looooong loooong way. (End of rant.. Thank you for your time)

Ever tried redoing a website?

It seems to take forever!

I started the project of redoing my website this past spring because I was quickly running out of room on my alotted space. "How could this be?", I asked myself. After a little checking, I found out just "how it could be". My lowly little website had amassed well over 450 pictures of varying sizes. WOW!

What to do?! I never really planned for the site to look the way it did and was never really satisfied with the layout. So now that I owned a computer capable of running things like Photoshop, I set to work. I created rollover buttons and menus. Framed out the picture pages so that they would be semi organized and load faster. I themed the site to look the same throughout as apposed to the random layout of before.

It seems as though its taking forever, but stick with me, because its not finished yet and my storage space more than doubled. This blog has also been linked to the site so people can read my rantings.

Whos Niki? ( I thought you knew )

Niki is a good friend I've known for quite some time. We met while chatting in the Yahoo Star Wars Chatrooms. I go visit her from time to time in Michigan (thats where she lives, btw). We go to the annual Michigan Ren Fest. I help maintain her computer and keep a website running for her to sell her doll clothes on. She also sells doll clothes at craft shows and such around the area. We get along pretty well and she puts up with my corny jokes. I say 'puts up with', because sometimes they get pretty lame. Niki is the kind of friend you feel comfortable talking about anything with.

(Oh, The picture on the left is at Ren Fest this year. The one on the left is 2 years ago at Ren Fest)

Yes, if you read the last post.. which was actually the first post.. you will notice I have never made it to bed yet.

The First Post

Ok, here we go.

I just returned Friday from another corporate trip to the Washington DC area. Being a pc tech for a large background investigation company, I get the occassional oppurtunity to travel to outside offices.

Tonight, I'm feeling a bit tired from all the running around. Not only did I return from the DC area Friday night, but I had just returned a week ago Friday from vacation at my friend Niki's in Michigan. A day in the office and I was out the door again.

I enjoy travelling. In the link posted above, you will find numerous photos of places I've been and things I like to do.

It's getting kind of late so I think I will meander off towards bed.