Fighting the skirmishes, battles and wars...

Everyday in our lives we face nasty little trials... I call them skirmishes, battles and wars.

These little trials come at us in many forms. Occassionally, we get into little skuffles with our loved ones, neighbors or friends. These are skirmishes, little battles that really don't end up being a whole lot. At the time they seem like the end of the world but never-the-less are merely bumps on the road we march. We often times find ourselves in greater conflicts. These are the battles. These are more important struggles that add up to knowledge. Unlike a skirmish, there tend to be injuries in battle. One side or the other, often both, end up batttered and bruised. It is from these battles we learn and grow. Hoping to one day win the war. The war is this trial we call life. It is made up of many skirmishes and battles fought along the way. We fight with ourselves or others. Each, hopefully moving one step closer to victory.

Taking sides in the battle

There are two sides to every battle, even if there are multiple combatants. Sometimes we get drug into the battle, even though we don't really want to be there. It is at these times that our side is chosen for us. We must fight to save ourselves as we are now right in the thick of it, like it or not. There are other times where we have no choice but to join in the battle willingly. We have chosen the side based on a decision to get involved. There are also the battles we choose to fight because of what or who we believe in. These are the most precious battles. These battles are ones that we choose to fight, not because of stakes that are involved, but because of a principle, ethic or friend that we feel we must save. These battles are not won by the number of soldiers that march off the field, but by the principles and ethics upheld at the end.

Winning the War is the main goal in any struggle. Often, its not the number of battles you won, but the quality of the lessons you learned from those you lost. In the end, there is only one victor.

May you learn from your skirmishes, gain knowledge from your lost battles and come out of the war stronger for the experience.

The Trick Is To Know Who To Treat

As tonight is Halloween, most of the blogs I looked at were posting their kids in costumes. I thought I would share my point of view on Halloween.

There was a time several years ago, back when I was in my early twenties, I thought a lot of Halloween as a fun time for little kids. My thoughts began to change as more and more older kids started showing up at the door. Our municipality started scheduling our Trick or Treat nights around the other local towns. Sixty to eighty kids became one hundred, then two hundred. We went from older teenagers to van loads of kids being dropped off from the open sliding doors of vans with out of state plates.

Back in the days before my bitterness over the greedyness of parents, I decorated my house with spider webs, glowing eyed skull candelabras and even a spooky music and some fog. I did a haunted arcade the couple of years I ran the game room at the mall. It went over great. I actually like doing that stuff. But alas, the whole neighborhood has gotten fed up with the enourmous influx of folks from outside the area. Now, we all go out for dinner at a local eatery during the hours of Trick or Treat. We make up treats for the kids in the neighborhood. We're not trying to be nasty to the kids, especially our own neighbors. It just gets a wee bit expensive to feed candy to half the tri-county area.

Tomorrow, we go back to being a normal lil burg preparing for the holidays to come.

Observation and Recovery

I noticed that this latest batch of flu/sinus infection garbage that is going around seems to be targeting a widespread base of folks. It appears I picked it up at work somehow. I took Monday and Tuesday off, having to call the Doc to get something to drive it off. I went back to work Wednesday, only to find the whole department sniffling, sneezing and coughing. Shhwew. Thought I gave it to them, but it turns out one of the equipment techs was complaining of it the week before. It took me until this week to really say I was feeling alot better.

I spent some time with a friend this past weekend. She was complaining of a sore throat early on. It has now turned to sinus infection. It would also appear that her cousin that lives with her and a bunch of her clan that were gathered over the weekend also are dealing with it. It can't be good when these little biological bugs start zapping folks who are gathered in the same room. I rule out any of the hugging and stuff that went on this past weekend at my friend's as my coworkers all shared it and we refrain from such things.

I wonder from time to time if we have made these bacteria and virus resistant to our medications by over medicating ourselves in general or is it just Mother Nature's way of saying we're tinkering too much with her plan. Science is a good thing and our knowledge of medicines has saved many lives. Nature, however, has a way of protecting herself by using a kind of adaptation that keeps things in check if you will. We see it in the animal world all the time. Species thought to be going extinct suddenly adapt and begin to thrive, sometimes to the point of impeding on us where we once were the impedament to them.

Hopefully, its just a passing bump in our wonderful development as a species. To all those who have this grand sinus thumping ailment, get some rest and lots of fluids.

Pain of the Heart, the Mind and the Body

We all experience various forms of pain in our lives. We all feel these pains somewhat differently, but we all experience them. This week, my pain seems to be that of the body. I managed to crop up a stupid sinus infection that needed heavier meds than what I could take over the counter. I'm healing up, maybe not as fast as I'd like but its going away none the less.

Sometimes, we experience pain of the heart, when we see one we care for hurting. Their hurts can be physical or mental. It really doesn't matter for we care only for their ultimate well being. We want to reach out and hold our loved ones until the pain is gone. Sometimes when we're distant from those we care about, we reach out in words and in love, hoping that those we care for will somehow feel comfort in our remote touch. In those times, we long to be at their sides to shield them from whatever hurts they bear.

Pain of the mind can be the hardest of the pains to deal with. This is not a real pain, per say, but it is by no means imagined. Pains of the mind often deal with stresses we put ourselves through. They frequently are associated with pains of the heart. These pains are ones that only we can feel. Anxiety over loves lost. Worring about finances. Wondering what the future holds. These usually originate from one of the other pains, but often like pains of the body, will fester if left untreated. We often hold things inside that we should share because we are afraid we will cause someone else pain, when in fact, many of these pains would diminish greatly with the help of our loved ones.

I've often wondered why it seems that these pains tend to come in batches. Do we bring that much of it upon ourselves? I don't believe so. There's a song by Bruce Carrol that I look to in times of pain. It's titles says it all "Something Good is Bound to Happen (or the Devil'd not be working overtime)"

"Something Good Is Bound To Happen"

Bruce Carroll

I woke up late this morning

the alarm clock just quit workin'

and I promptly spilled hot coffee

all over me

A mile of angry traffic

knows my fuel pump is a goner

and I'm starin' through

locked windows at my keys

Something good is bound to happen

or the Devil'd not be workin overtime

but you're always here beside me

and because of you I see

something good is bound to happen to me

My boss came in to tell me

that they're taking new directions

and he's sorry but he has to let me go

I just spent all our savings

trying to pull it all together

but I can make it through it all

becauseI know

Something good is bound to happen

or the Devil'd not be workin overtime

but you're always here beside me

and its because of you I see

something good is bound to happen to me

Its always one thing or another

to make us feel discouraged

but I get so encouraged

with just one word from you

Something good is bound to happen

or the Devil'd not be working overtime

but you're alway here beside me

and because of you I see

that something good is bound

to happen to me.

Vacation - Time well spent with a friend

I left on Thursday, the 17th, to spend a week or so with a friend in Michigan. We've kind of made a thing out of going to the Michigan Renaissance Festival. I arrived Thursday evening. We went to dinner and relaxed for the evening.

Saturday morning, we headed off to Ren Fest. This year our crew consisted of Gert, her cousin Bob, Gert's friend from bowling and myself. It was raining, but its a rain or shine event and we're not going to let a little water from the sky bother us. We entered the gate and were promptly met by a Man and Women dressed in period costume. The man asked if he could speak to my ladies. Playing along, I agreed that he may. Gert promptly had me thrown in jail for being a pour servant and not fulfilling my duties. I then promptly returned the favor after allowing myself to be lead off to the stockade. In the end, Gert and I were under roof protected from the rain while Bob and Gert's friend were standing in the rain laughing at us. I wonder who really had the last laugh on that. Naturally, due to the nature of Ren Fest, we had to perform with one of the Jailers to a silly little diddy that I think he made up as he went. Twas all in the spirit of fun. The rain finally stopped around noon or a little there after. It took all day for us to dry out.

We headed home, planning on stopping for pizza before getting to the house. This meant roaming the mall for a few minutes with a bit of extra mud hanging about our clothing. We grabbed our pizza and headed on to the house. Gert's friend didn't stay, but we made plans for Wednesday before she left. On Wednesday, Gert, her friend and I, would head over to Greenfield Village, a working historic display. Bob had to work. We enjoyed the day there and headed home again. We met Bob at the house. Gert's friend headed home to make dinner for her Dad and we headed out for dinner ourselves.

Thursday and Friday, Gert had to work, but we went to her bowling league meeting in the evening and then did some bowling. I haven't bowled since I ruptured the disks in my back, so I was kind of reluctant to try. I figured since the games were free to the league, I would bowl as much as I felt comfortable with. I bowled all three games Thursday night and all Three Friday too. My right leg hurt a bit, but nothing I couldn't live with. I didn't do nearly as bad as I thought I would score wise either. I might have to start doing some bowling or something of that nature just to get out and about on the weekends. After bowling, Gert and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. We didn't get back to the house until 1:30ish.

We piddled around the Saturday. Sunday, my planned day of departure, I took Gert, her Mom and Bob out to dinner before I left. The drive home was uneventful. I drove with the windows down most of the way as it was humid but in the lower 70's. I hit a little bit of rain/mist that later turned to fog but it wasn't bad to drive in. I arrived home around 12:20am. I called Gert to let her know I arrived safely. We talked an hour before realizing we both had to get up early for work in the morning.

All in all it turned out to be a pretty good vacation. I enjoy Gert's company and we have a lot of fun together. She even puts up with my corny jokes and even gets in on the gag from time to time. I wish we could spend more time together, but distance right now keeps us apart. I'll have to find some other silly excuse to get up that way sometime soon.

Vacation Approaches!

Not much has gone on since the last post. My Mother had to have a Total Thyroidectomy which went well. The Report came back that the small nodule they weren't really concerned about turned out to be the cancerous one. She is recovering well and has a couple more trips to the doctors to make sure everything is ok.

My own life has been in a bit of a rut. I hope to break that rut when I leave for vacation. I'm not planning a whole lot of things to do. I just want to get away and spend some time away. Maybe I can get things moving again after that.

One thing that I've thought about doing just to keep my mind limber, is to start a story line and work through it developing characters and pathways. This exercise may in turn help me open up my own pathways.

Senility, denial and health issues

I guess it just runs in the family.

I get frustrated by my mother sometimes. She gets these down days and she seems to think everybody else in the family should be drug down to her level. Today is a fine example.

It's Father's Day. My Dad retired through disability after hurting his back at work. For a long time, Mom just couldn't understand why all he would do was sit in his recliner and sleep. After injuring my own back, I came to find out exactly why. Unless you have had a major back injury, you take for granted exactly how many things in life stress your back. Walking, bending, lifting, even just sitting in certain types of chairs put unbelievable stress on the back. The back is a very large part of the body's structural system and when it gets sore and tired, your body is sore and tired and you tend to want to stop doing whatever it is that is aggrevating it.

To make a long story short, Dad's back has recently flared up to the point where he has pain running down to his toes. This isn't a fun feeling. How would I know? This is how my right leg gets everytime I stress my back. Mom wanted to rent a boat for Father's Day. We own a bass boat but the time it takes to get ready to go is a problem. Not because we don't want to take it out, more often than not, its Mom who presses to take it out. Does she say something a couple nights before so that we can get it ready? No. She waits untill I get home from work and whines that we should take it out. By the time you get it hooked up and ready to go, poof! You've got an hour on the water at best. Anyway, Dad's back isn't up to standing or sitting on a moving boat, so that was out. Whine #1.

Then, she got the bright idea of driving to Warren, PA to go out to eat with realitives. If sitting is a problem, riding on a bumpy boat is a problem, I do believe riding in a car for 2 hours one way then home again is probably not going to be on top of the list of things to do either. Not to mention, the relatives we would have gone to do not keep their house cool and their furniture isn't the greatest for a bad back. Dad wasn't up for that either. Here comes Whine #2.

We went out for lunch, which in itself was a challenge for him, then came home. He fell asleep in the recliner. I had the Nascar race on. She began moaning about nothing to do. When her nerves start to bug her, she gets really antsy and hates sitting around. She commented more than once about going an seeing a friend out the road. That would have been fine with Dad, he was comfortable and really wasn't interested in going anyway. Finally, he woke up and grumbled that if she wanted to go she could go, he didn't mind. Yes, you guessed it, Whine #3.

I'm really glad I didn't do what I planned on doing for Farther's Day. I was going to buy us tickets to the Nascar Race. It was in Southern Michigan which is only a 4 hour drive. With Dad's back bothering him, the rain that ended up cutting the race short and the whining by Mom, I probably would have left someone along the roadside somewhere. Probably me!

Happy Father's Day to all. Best Wishes of Health and Happiness to You!

And to all the whiney mothers today, here's some cheese.

Think before you speak or Thoughts on Thinking

Ever notice how we just accept certain things such as product names?

Kleenex is not the little tissue you use to blow your nose. It is the trademark brand name for a type of Facial Tissue. We never even stop and pause when our nose is running. "Can I have a Kleenex?", we ask. There are other things of this sort I can think of, for example: Band-aides or Frisbees.

There are also the abreviated names that we like to abuse as well. These are things that if we say the full name as we normally use the abreviation in a sentence, we would quickly see the error of our ways.

I belong to a PTA Organization.

(You belong to a Parent Teacher Association Organization? Hmm. I thought an association was to be organized.)

I bought a new NIC Card for my computer last night.

(So you bought a new Network Interace Card Card. Does that take up two expansion slots in your machine or just one?)

These are just a few examples of our mastery of the english/amurikan language. I know I too am guilty of abusing my own creative license or stupidity, whichever you prefer.

Do you have any more creative misuses of language like those above? If so, please leave me a comment.

The Conundrum of Power and Control

Looking at the recent releases of movies for the summer I see a recurrent theme.

Humankind's blatant misuse of power and control run through all these movies. I saw X-Men III tonight. It demonstrates my conundrum theory to a 'T'. I don't want to give away the movie to those who haven't seen it, but there are examples spread throughout.

Basically, the conundrum is this: At some point those in control will try to control those with power. Those with power often are unable to control their power and will eventually fall to their own strengths. The conundrum comes into play when those in control are pressing for to change things to their way of thinking good or bad. They realize that those who have power are becoming a threat to their ideology. Here is where the conundrum begins to envelop and consume both power and control.

Those who are in control of the plight for good eventually find someone in their own ranks that has become a threat to the stability of their way of life. They manipulate this peer hoping to keep them from getting out of control. In doing so, they violate their own principles in the name of maintaining good. The same happens with those in control of the plight for evil.

Those who have the power in any given situation are frequently not those who have the authority or the ability to control that power. They rise rapidly through the ranks of their peers because of their power. Eventually, they become unsatisfied by their lack of control over their own power and will often flip sides until one side or the other or both must rise up to squelch them.

As both the above continue to build, they consume each other. This causes those in control to lose control and ultimately those with power self-destruct just as they think they have gained control. Their lack of self control makes them ill fitted to control their peers. Those that were in control now become overrun by new factions. These new factions build their strengths on knowledge and power that have been gleaned from those who are now falling from control and power. The strengths of the powerful and the knowledge that allowed those in control to be in such positions have now become their weakness.

The vicious cycle starts over to continue without end. The only possible end is to continue.

So, this sounded really great in my head, especially when the images from X-Men III are still vibrant. You're probably confused after reading this but it makes sense to me and I guess that's all that is required.

Communications Breakdown

Why is it that in the world we live in, there are always obstacles in our way? One of the biggest obstacle in my life is communication. I can feel comfortable talking to the CEO of the company about any subject he throws at me, yet I have trouble telling someone right in front of me what I think or how I feel.

The problem isn't with the person usually. It is with the situation at hand. I can talk to anyone about vacation or tell corny jokes. Business is not an issue in most cases. The biggest obstacle I face is telling special people in my life how I feel. Most of the time, I get so frustrated with myself that end up writing down my feelings, never to show them to the person that should know. This has happened to me since high school. I think it partly has to do with how my family dealt with relationships growing up.

There was never any discussions about how relationships work or problems in my parents relationship. They never really argued much in front of me. Everything would just get quiet. Seems like any time a subject dealing with relationships came up, silence immediately followed. Feelings weren't discussed or addressed publicly, good or bad. Relationships weren't good or bad. They just were there. Between that and my own lack of relationships in high school, I sometimes wonder if I'm interpreting correctly. I set some stupid goals in school that I wouldn't make any commitments to any relationships until I was mentally and financially able to support them. I had seen too many friends and their families fall apart because of simple things. Things always just worked out in my family and watching other families tear apart because they didn't have money to by all the toys they wanted bothered me terribly. My family wasn't much for material things. We had what we needed and a few extras, but never anything extravagant. I enjoyed my childhood for the most part without all the frills.

Now, here I am, wondering why I can't say what I want to say to the special people in my life. I guess I still fear the response I'll get. I'm not afraid of the rejection. I've been rejected so often in my life that my goal of stability wasn't hard to manage. It kept getting pushed further and further down the road. I've put a lot of thought into why I can't just say what I feel and have come up with a two fold fear that holds me back. The strongest of the two fears is that in expressing how I feel, the intended recipient will be hurt by something I say or do and I will lose the special connection that I have with them. The second fear is only slightly less disturbing, that they will laugh because I have misinterpreted some sign along the way or worse, will have thought there was a sign that wasn't really there. Even now, I fear that this will be read and things will change.

Change isn't a bad thing. As a matter of fact, right now I crave change, if its the right change. Some day, maybe, I'll let those special people in my life read what I have written. It's not much but it contains the emotion pent up, tearing at my soul to be released. This blog and the Yahoo 360 blog have been attempts to strengthen my resolve to express my feelings. Slowly, I grow more confident in myself. The hardest part has been learning to trust my feelings and learning to trust that the special people in my life care for me because I am who I am.

Time Flies...

Wow! Can't believe its May already!

Where did the year go? 4 months up and gone. I guess that's what happens when you spend 90% of the first three months on the road travelling for work. I enjoy travelling and was sure when I got back home that I definately wanted to go back on the road again.

I think if I could save up some cash, I wouldn't mind taking a week or so vacation out west. I really don't think I will be able to afford it this year, although things are improving.

Weather is getting nicer and I have my weekends free now for the most part so maybe I can even do some weekend trips. That is, if gasoline doesn't become more valuable than gold. I definately will be making a couple trips that I know of.

This Roller Coaster Ride of Life

Life sure has it's ups and downs.

Well, once again it has been a month since my last post. Last post, I was travelling for company business. The three weeks on the road fit the title quite well. The first week went pretty well, the second week wasn't so hot and the third week was a hoot. Most of the change had to do with the travelling companions during the week. The third week in San Francisco was probably the best week. The three of us on that leg were the faster workers and we were capable of getting the numbers done we needed for each day. We went to The Winchester Mystery House in San Jose. That place is, how to say it, VERY interesting. Another evening we managed to leave the office early enough to drive up to San Francisco, across the Golden Gate Bridge and out to Muir Woods where there resides a rather large outcropping of Redwood Trees. On Friday, we managed to go down town for the whole day. It was a good trip.

I have been home the past couple of weeks playing catch up at the office. They say in the next couple weeks we will crawl out from under our rock and into the basement of one of the office buildings where the rest of the I.T. Staff reside. This is a good thing for me because its about 18 miles or so less drive.

Thursday was my birthday. That went fairly decent. Mom, Dad and I went out for dinner. Didn't do much special but that's ok. I'm not much for big birthday bashes. I think Mom is finally getting the idea that at 39, I'm a bit old for the old invite the neighbors kids in for a party deal.

Then last night we get a call the my mom's cousin's daughter had been rushed to the hospital and it wasn't looking very good. She passed away at 8:05 this morning. She was only 38. Her and her husband Rick were just in the process of finallizing approval to adopt 2 kids and were enrolled in the foster program with 3 kids already living with them. We went to support the family today and I'm sure as they make arrangements as the week goes on, we'll be there again.

"The Ride"

The wheels of life are turning

I feel I'm rollin' down this track

And I know down deep inside my heart

I can't look back

And though it's hard decerning

All of the fiction from the fact

You have led me to this truth and we have

made a pact

And as we go through highs and lows and all

that's in between

It's good to know we're not alone on this

big scream machine.

This roller coaster ride of life

Lifts you up and lets you down

This roller coaster ride of life

Spins you round and round and round

Heaven knows where ever you go

I will be right by your side

On this roller coaster, roller coaster ride of life

Roller coaster ride of life

So when I hear you calling

'Cause you have hit your all time low

I will hold you by my side and I won't let you go

And when it seems your falling

'Cause life has got you on a roll

I will take the wheel and hit the brakes

we'll take it slow

And as you go through highs and lows

and all thats in between

The Lord alone is in control of this big scream machine

- 4 Him (Christian Contemporary Artists)

Respect - What is it?

It is that status that you earn from others by the quality of your deeds, your actions and how you handle yourself in the situation given.

True respect can not be purchased. It must be earned. Respect is a fragile gift we are given by others in our environment. It can create bonds strong as steel, but can be shattered as easily as shattering fine crystal.

The saying "You should respect your elders" always baffled me. Yes, we should be mindful that their life has brought them more experience, but not everyone who is older is necessarily wiser. In many cases, our elders do deserve our respect, but it still must be earned for it to have merit in our lives. Blind respect is like walking up to someone on the street and handing them a blank check and asking them to book a trip for both of you. You may get taken for the ride of your life or you may go on beautiful journey.

Last night, my respect for one of my fellow employees was shattered. I have been having issues with this employee coming to me for help and then telling everyone how great I am. I have never been one to outright ask for any kind of recognition or fame. Just let me do my job and I will do what it takes to get it done.

I once thought highly of this lady because she gave me some mental support when my mom was going through the early stages of cancer. Lately, however, she has become more and more dependant on my knowledge and it has begun to interupt my own ability to complete my work.

Here's the issue that broke the fragile bonds of respect. We our out working on-site for the company. Last night on our way back from the office we came up the on ramp to the interstate to find it blocked by an accident, a fairly recent accident. Fire, EMS and Police vehicles were converging from every direction. I assisted in directing traffic to open the ramp so that Emergency Vehicles could get to the accident scene. A police office came and told us to turn around and go the wrong way down the ramp. At the bottom of the ramp, he and a second officer who just arrived began to critique the intersection and decide how best to handle the problem. My coworker starts yelling through the windshield that he is an ass and doesn't know what he is doing. She was not joking about how they were handling the situation. She was down right mad at him. I finally yelled at her to "Shut up! You're not helping the situation!"

You may think me a bad person for doing this to my elder. Here's my thing. I was a volunteer firefighter from the time I was 16 up until I moved away at age 26. I worked as Head of Security for a local race track. I have been trained and have dealt with accidents on the highway. They are not something you can just magically do. There is no set book response that happens at each one. They are all different and must be evaluated independantly. It takes time to make safe and sound decisions that will help clear up the traffic jam and preserve the accident scene. I took great offence at her screaming and call the officer names as he was just doing his job.

I have a big problem with disrespect of emergency service workers. I have, too many times, been in that position where someone screams and yells at you for taking an extra bit of time to set up. What they don't usually see is that this little bit of extra time maybe the thing that keeps someone else from getting hurt, keeps the injured from dieing or being paralyzed for life or even makes their trip home just a tiny bit easier because the time was taken to allow you to go back down the ramp safely and find another route home.

The officer didn't have to let us turn around and go down the on ramp. He could have made us sit there until the accident was clear. Yet she had the nerve to yell at him about how he did his job. I'm sorry, but I can't stand that kind of opinionation. I would like to see her out there dealing with the traffic jam and safety concerns he had on his shoulders at that time. She couldn't do it any better.

End of rant. Thank you for reading.

Long time no post

The weary traveler realizes he's home.

Interestingly enough, today I was so busy and stressed out that the day actually went pretty quick and coming home actually felt good.

Let's see, where have I been since the last post? I think as of last post I had justreturned from 2 weeks in the Greater Washington DC area. I was back in the office for a week or so. I left for the Detroit area on January 31st. Spent Tuesday thru Sunday there. Went there on a work excursion. Interestingly enough, they scheduled the excursion for the same week as the Super Bowl. I couldn't get a hotel downtown naturally, but that worked out for the best anyway. I stayed with a friend outside of Detroit. She was much more pleasant company than the folks downtown would have been anyway. Wednesday and Thursday weren't bad leaving the office, but Friday night all the HUGE parties started early. I came out of the office to tour buses, vehicles of all types and sizes displaying "Official NFL Superbowl Vehicle" and scores of people. I was glad to be leaving town.

I pulled out of Detroit area on Sunday after lunch and drove to Dayton, Ohio. The hotel we were more or less forced to use by policy was a dump. I picked up my coworker at the airport and we decided we didn't want to hang at the hotel. Ed had talked to someone from the area on the plane and they recommended we go to Smokey Bones, a restaurant just south of the airport. They had tv's everywhere and were advertising that they were playing the Super Bowl on all of them. The food was pretty good, so we decided we would stop back to sample some of the barbque fare when we got a chance later in the week. We did and all I have to say is MMMMMMMMMMMMM.. nummy.

We got done early and Ed flew home Friday. I drove home Friday night. A long drive across central Ohio is not fun when you're half ready to fall asleep. Got home about 10pm ish. Spent this week as the only pc tech in-house scrambling just to keep my head above water. Next week we'll all be in-house so we should catch up a bit. End of February, it will be back off into the air to more locations. This time three week straight. That should just be soooo fun.

I really enjoy travelling for work. I hope I get a bit of free time in Salt Lake City and San Francisco to site see a little. It's always a welcome break from normal routine.

I guess I'll head out for the night. Catch ya next post.

January - Almost a Memory

Ok, who reset my calendar AND my watch!

I always thought time would slow down as I grew older. It hasn't. I finally figured out why.

*Warning Science Content* (OK. Not so much)

As we grow older, our bodies slow down and don't function quite as well. Therefore, time appears to go much quicker. In reality time is still constant, we are what has changed speed.

I came to this realization after falling ill this week and taking a day off work Thursday. I felt better Friday and was busy so I didn't really notice the steps of time. Today, however, was a bit different.

I felt pretty good considering my state of health two days ago. I went got up this morning and headed off to what I had planned to be a productive day. I got my hair cut, went to the bank, got my medications filled and some other stuff I needed to pick up. The day was going well. Since I felt really great compared to Thursday, I decided I would hop to a couple other stores and the mall, just to get in some walking/exercise. It was in the mid 50's outside, so off I went. I didn't return home until after 2 or 2:30 pm.

This is where what I call, The Realization of Time, comes into play.

My lovely bad disks in my back had started to gripe, hence the reason I came home when I did. I brought all my purchases in and sat down to rest for just a few. I checked my work email because I was hoping to get approval for a rental car for my trip. I then decided to assemble the DVD rack I bought to keep the DVD's from tumbling from their temporary position on the DVD player. That done, I decided I would kick back and finish watching whatever the movie was that was on. I woke up after 6 pm wondering why the movie had suddenly gone from something that sounded like a normal movie to some wierd music that I hadn't heard, nor did I want to hear for that matter. Poof! There went my day.

So as you can see, time maybe is more linear and less relative than we thought. Maybe time isn't speeding up. We're Just SLOWWWWWWINN N N G D O W N.

A Certain Point Of View

My how things change as we age!

I look back over my life and think about things in the past. Good things, bad things they all seem to be slightly skewed or off color, like an old picture long forgotten in the box under the bed.

Are they skewed and off color, or has my view of lives important moments changed? I have found as I grow older that things have changed importance in my life. Things that once angered me now fill me with sorrow or dismay. The acts of others have become more tolerable, or at least they generate less of a reaction.

Have I mellowed with age? I don't think so. Things still affect me but my reactions are different from when I was younger. I've learned that anger returned only begets more anger in most cases. I've learned to 'bite my tongue' at times when in the past I would have said something out of anger or spite.

I have also learned that many times 'listening' and 'hearing' are not the same thing but both must be done simultaneously. Many times a person lashing out in anger or hurting from loss doesn't want or need excuses or 'I understand how you feel'. They want someone to hear what they are saying and understand where they are coming from. When we say 'I understand how you feel' without listening and hearing what the person is saying we often demean or devalue that person's problem. To them, we don't really seem to care. We're blowing smoke. Sometimes in order to help someone, we must 'manage' a situation. Learn to listen, hear and develop solutions that are beneficial rather than just popping off meaningless words.

I've noticed that in learning as I grow older, the meanings of things I thought were correct as a kid have changed. I look back and wonder if I was that stupid then or I'm that smart now, usually if I'm honest with myself neither is true. I was what I was in that instance of time. Now, I'm different. The sum of all those experiences has made me who I am, kind of like building a puzzle out of different pieces. Alone, they look out of place on the table when you first dump them out. Together, they become a large image. Just like a photo puzzle, our lives blend and merge as we grow, altering the view we have of ourselves and our perception of others, even blurring the edges of things that were once crisp clear-cut events in our lives.

Amazing how we change as we grow, isn't it? Things we hated, we love. Things we love, we now dislike. Things that made us sad now allow us to provide solace to others. Things we once did not care about have come to the forefront in our lives. People we used to not tolerate become tolerable. This is part of growing older. Knowing when and how to combine these moments in our lives to better ourselves brings us wisdom, for wisdom is having knowledge and being able to apply that knowledge for the betterment of ones self and ones surroundings.

The trick is not in the knowing how to use this wisdom for yourself, but how to reach out and share it with others allowing them to blossom from the sprinkling of your life into theirs. Reach out and force the knowledge onto someone and the wisdom becomes a sword that cuts them, injuring their spirit, turning their experience into an ugly scar on what could be a nurtured healthy life. Sometimes the best results of our wisdom come not from our own jagged edged experiences slashing out but from the combination of those experiences into gentle strength and piece of mind.

Which would you rather have? Helpful wisdom of the ages holding you up and supporting you like a loving parent to a child who scrapped their knee? or the razor's edge cutting into an already wounded sole, further scarring an already tattered life?

I know which I would prefer.

A World of Irony

It really is!

I spent the week in the DC Metro area working on a large scale project. It is a major deal. We have been working on it for sometime. Let's just say when the project roll out is over we'll have touched over 4000 employees (give or take a few).

Anyway, on with the irony. Our office is located underground, so any chance to work in the field offices is a chance to see daylight. This is ALWAYS a good thing. Any chance to get away from the office is also a good thing. Here's where the irony starts to come in.

Let's take a look at the facts:

• I work underground.
• We have no windows because the walls are rock and there is 200+ feet of rock over our heads.
• In the early stages, we made up a schedule for this project and for whatever reason the powers that be shortened by half or more.
• To save money, the company had us book all our travel through 'brand x' travel site. It took me 5 hours to find flights and hotels and get everything booked. I even had to call to have a live agent help find flights that fit company policy.
• We had wanted to wait until the end to do the DC area in case there was some kind of issue with setting the project up. It has the most highly concentrated group of employees that will be affected. This way we would do a few people, then a few more until we worked our way up to the DC area. This allows us to make changes to our procedures and things like that, 'Fine tuning' one might say.

Let's take a look at the irony:

• You need to remember that most hotels start their room numbers on the first floor (ie: Room 123). We get to our hotel, they have all our rooms together, 033, 035, 039, 041 and so on. Yes, I said 035. The hotel is built on a hillside and we are staying below the lobby in the part of the hotel cut back into the hillside, hence we are BELOW ground!
• We go to the location to set up. The primary location we end up working in is a conference room with NO Windows. The secondary location is down in a dip and has windows, but its so foggy in the morning that you can't even see the parking lot until after lunch.
• The squashed schedule didn't work. We are reworking the schedule to be very similar to the original 12 week schedule we produced at the beginning of the project.
• When the schedule started to change, it only took 2 phone calls on 3 minutes to cancel 5 hours worth of travel planning.
• Well, they had us start in the DC area. We found out that the average home DSL or cable connection has more bandwidth than either of the DC offices, thus we slowed the network to a snail's pace. As noted above, anything that gets changed in the process, now only adds time to it. We are now running extremely slow. The irony here is that, if we had done our original schedule and ramped up to this level, we would have known that the network resources had a large affect and would have changed the way the District Managers brought in employee' s equipment to be converted. We changed our process on the fly and got done what was on-site but have to go back now to get the rest.

So you see life does have ironies all around it. Some ironic situations we create for ourselves, some our created by others and/or our surroundings. All in all it made for an 'interesting' week.

Weary eyed and tired, I am home for the weekend.